Do you ever feel like you just aren’t getting it right being a mom? Or feeling like you have no idea what you are doing, you can’t seem to accomplish everything, and the to-do list is always growing?
I had planned on getting up, getting the kids to school, and recording an episode for the podcast. But I had a bad morning and I went down the spiral of sadness and depression. So I wanted to record this episode because I have a feeling that I am not the only person that feels this way. We are human and we’re not perfect. In this episode, I am getting very vulnerable. I am sharing all my fears, shortcomings, worries, and feelings of inadequacy. This episode is very important because us moms need to know we aren’t alone. We ALL struggle. Some of us struggle in areas that others succeed in and vice versa. We all have these hard days, worries, and feelings of inadequacy because we are human.
How It All Started
I have to believe that I am not the only one with bad days like today. Yeah, of course, us moms have bad days when our kids are in the hospital or having a very hard time because of neurological challenges, those are obvious. I am talking about bad days that we just don’t feel we are enough.
Today started as a good day. I had a lot of good plans. I wanted to devote the whole day to working and doing this podcast. I was really thankful because Remy got over her seizure cluster and she is feeling and doing better. When I got home from dropping the kids off at school, I looked around and saw what a complete disaster my house looked like. It hit me that I am not doing that great of a job. I started feeling really down. I felt like it was going to take me all day to clean up the house, and then I remembered that I had to help my son pack for winter camp, and so on. I cried for a couple of hours because I was just so overwhelmed.
Self-Pity and Insecurities
The biggest practice for me has been to not focus on all of the things I don’t like about myself. Today when I was wallowing in my sorrow about myself, I felt like I needed to reach into my tool belt and figure out how I could turn it around. I knew that if I didn’t do something, the list of things that I didn’t like about myself and made me feel bad would grow.
In this episode, I list ten things that I don’t think I do very well. Some of those things include being a housewife and doing typical things like cleaning and cooking. I don’t like doing either of those things and I am not very good at it. I also have a hard time handling the challenges that my daughter Remy presents because of her autism. Sometimes her behaviors are overwhelming for me to handle. I am not good at taking care of myself and establishing healthy patterns of self-care. Those are just some of the things that I struggle with and that makes me feel like I am not doing a good job.
How I Changed My Perspective
I grabbed a pen and paper and forced myself to write down all the things I am good at. It was hard for me to see those things when I was stuck on everything I wasn’t doing and my failings.
Some of those things include how I listen to my kids and my husband and can pin-point where the real issues that they are dealing with are coming from. I take the time to spend quality time with each of my kids, and I try to make sure that they always know how much they are loved. I also have worked really hard on having a very strong marriage and I put a lot of effort into making sure that Zach and I can spend quality time together.
The list of things that you are good at might be completely different. But it is such a good idea to create one that you can refer to and that can serve as a reminder of all the things that you do amazingly. This will change your perspective. If you do this, it will change the way you see yourself and help you to accept yourself exactly how you are.
I’m sure your list looks different. Maybe you can think of many things that you do well or perhaps you can only think of a few things you do really well. But when we have kiddos with such severe needs, we shouldn’t go to that dark place without having the tools to get out of it.
Give Yourself a Break
With Remy’s needs alone, I don’t know how we make it through the day. Plus, we have three other kids, each with their individual needs as well. We all have a list of things that we have to do each day. Whatever it is, we are just trying to get through it. Everyone doesn’t have it all figured out all the time. I am permitting you to give yourself a break. I am giving myself a break! I was able to shine a spotlight on myself and realize that I am not doing so bad after all.
I hope that you can do that too. Get your paper out. Write down the list of things you love about yourself. It might be a really hard thing to do, but trust me they are there. Just having that piece of paper, you can see that you aren’t doing so bad and that you are doing some things right!
- Try not to focus on the things that you don’t like about yourself. Doing this makes it so easy to fall down the rabbit hole of self-pity and sadness. If you do this, your feelings will only become worse.
- Everyone has their laundry list of things that they have to do each day. Whatever it is you have to do, know that you can only do your best, and you don’t have to always have it all figured out all the time.
- Give yourself a break. When you look at everything going on in your life and all the responsibilities that you have, it’s really hard! We can only do so much because we are only human. So don’t be so hard on yourself.
- Write down on a piece of paper everything you can think of that you are good at. This is very helpful for you to see how many things you are doing right and all of the great qualities that make you the incredible mom that you are. When you don’t feel like you are doing so well, this list will help you to come out of that dark spiral of thinking.
- You are not the only one that feels like you are overwhelmed and can’t do it all. I think every mom feels that way at some point in their day. It’s okay to talk about your feelings and it’s okay that you don’t always have it all together.