In the last episode, I talked about how having four kids, one with autism and epilepsy, made me have a downward spiral into complete depression, sadness and grief. I was able to turn that around to being someone who embraces my daughter’s autism and epilepsy. After I accepted it, things didn’t become easy, but the load became so much lighter. In this episode, I want to help break down how to get from the point of being miserable and overwhelmed to saying that “It’s okay, and I am okay.” How do you take a really unhappy, confused, devastated life and turn it into the life you’ve always wanted? My secret is that it all happens in your mindset.

Why Do We Need All The Answers? 

We have negative thoughts because having a special needs kid is hard to understand. We try to fill in the missing gaps by thinking thoughts that aren’t even true. But something that is SO important to learn is that the results that we have in our life are always the results of the thoughts that we think. 

One thing that I constantly think is that I always have to have all of the answers. But I realized that at the end of the day, the ONLY job we have is to love our kids. Our only job is to love our children. When you think of that in its simplest of forms, then everything else is revealed to us at the time that it needs to be. When we need to know something we will figure it out.

How To Start Changing Negative Thoughts 

When you start to have negative thoughts, it attracts more negative thoughts, stress, worry, and anxiety. I know you know what it’s like to lay in bed, and one negative thought turns into another one and another, and you can be there in a ball of anxiety. I knew that I was going to have to turn around all the negative thoughts I was having. The magnetic pull of those thoughts is so heavy that it feels impossible to change them. 

Brooke Castillo has a podcast called The Life Coach School. She teaches life coaches how to help others with weight loss, entrepreneurship, and etc., She uses a model and a framework that structures how to take something you want and make it a reality. 

I am going to teach you how to coach yourself. You can take any area in your life and use this framework. Get a piece of paper out and write this down! 

The Model For Changing Your Mindset 

Write down, C-Circumstances, under that write T-Thought, F-Feeling, A-Action, and R-Results. 

A circumstance is something that can be proven. It is a fact. You can’t change it and you are not in control of it. It is what it is. Your thoughts are what you think about the circumstance. What thoughts do you feel about your child’s diagnosis? 

Then there are feelings. How do your thoughts about the circumstance make you feel? Do you feel sad, angry, or scared? 

Then there is the action. What do you do when you feel those feelings of sadness or fear? What actions do you take? 

Finally, what results are because of your actions? 

I felt scared, depressed and paralyzed from my daughter’s diagnosis. I didn’t take any action. I wasn’t present and I checked out. So, my results were that I didn’t do anything, and I was unable to function very well. 

When you go down this list, the results that you have in your life are always because of the thoughts you think about the circumstance. You can apply this to every single result in your life. It always boils down to the thoughts you think about that thing. If you take someone that has the life that you want or a life you want, and you compare them to you, the difference is always because of the thoughts you have about that situation. All results are because of the way that we think. 

How To Create a Different Life For Yourself 

My challenge for you is if you want a different life, to not feel depressed or anxious, and want to give your kids unconditional love, then you have to check the thoughts in your head. We all believe that the thoughts that go on in our heads don’t have any power because no one can hear them. If we don’t vocalize them, they don’t have any power, right? But the thoughts you think become beliefs and you live what you believe. The problem is not your child with autism, the problem is how you think about that child with autism. 

You can have everything that you’ve always wanted and your child doesn’t have to change a thing. Your child can be exactly the way they are right now, and you can have everything you’ve always wanted, and the most joyous mother you always wanted to be. But we have to change our thoughts about what we pictured motherhood was going to be like and to bury those. Because those thoughts are killing us. Those thoughts are getting in the way of you and your child having the most amazing life. 

How To Change Your Results 

Take the same model I showed you and reverse it. Fill it in with what you want from life. How do you want to feel, what results do you want to have, and work backwards. You have to start trying those thoughts on, and the magic happens when you repeat those thoughts all the time. The only way to change it is to think something over and over until you believe it, and when you believe it, that’s when actions change and results change. 

Your child wasn’t given to you to play out your fantasy on what you thought parenting was going to be. Your child was given to you to raise your sense of consciousness and actually make you the person that has the deepest sense of purpose in this world. You cannot get there if you can’t get over the fact that they have special needs. Nothing has been taken from you, it’s only been given. Your child was given to you to change the world, and it starts with changing you!

Important Takeaways

  1. Our only job is to love our children. That is what we should focus on doing. When we do that, everything else will be revealed to us in its own time. We will figure it out when we need to. 
  2. The results that we have in our life are always because of the thoughts we think about the circumstance. We can apply this to every single result in our life. It always boils down to the thoughts we think about that thing.
  3. You can have everything that you’ve always wanted and your child doesn’t have to change a thing. In order to do this, you have to change the way that you think about your situation. Our negative thoughts are killing us and preventing us from feeling joyful and seeing the amazing things about our children and our life that we have. 
  4. Being grateful is important. If you can find things in your life to be grateful for, it’s much harder to feel depressed or sad. You will start to see the blessings in your life and it will help you to see everything from an entirely new perspective. 
  5. Our children weren’t given to us to fulfill our fantasies about what their lives would look like. They were given to us to fulfill their own special purpose and to help us have the deepest sense of purpose we could ever have.

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