I walked in the kitchen a couple of days ago and told my boys
“Guess what? Remy hasn’t had a seizure in 33 days! isn’t that amazing?”
One boy said,
“really? Wow, that’s a long time. So cool”
The other boy said
“Don’t say that mom, you’re going to jinx her.”

Jinx her hu? Is this what you’re saying? 

you shouldn’t speak about the things you are grateful for because speaking them out loud is going to make the bad thing happen? 

Is it better to have focused the last 33 days in fear and anxiety so that when Remy does have a seizure, at least I was prepared? Will this save me from pain? Will it keep her from having a seizure?

Sad to say but yesterday she started seizing. Shes had about 30 seizures so far and will probably have more. 

Did I jinx her? Was gratitude the cause of Remy’s seizures? 

I believe no. I think that acknowledging the wins helps us see how much abundance we already have.  

Of course, Remy was going to have seizures; she HAS epilepsy

So What I told my son was this. 

If you don’t appreciate the wins in life, If you aren’t thankful for the fortunes you have, then you will live your life in fear and anxiety and always feel like your life is lacking what everyone else has.  

If for the last 33 days, I spent my time saying things like “any moment she’s going to have a seizure, I just know it. She never goes this long without having one.” 
then I would be missing the blessings that were in front of us. 

The blessings. Like how Remy was able to go swimming, and to the park. She went camping and to the arcade. She went rock climbing and played in the sand at the beach. She had an amazing 33 days and now is having a couple of bad days. 

So how does pessimism really serve us? Does it protect us from pain? Or are we simply living in a state of pain all the time? 

Now that Remy started having seizures, I AM sad. I am heartbroken that she’s going through this. Say a little prayer for her and send some good vibes her way. Right now, she needs it. 

But instead of wallowing in sadness, Today I am choosing to be grateful. I am choosing to be thankful for the 33 good days. Remy got to live life like any other kid in the summer does. That’s my biggest dream for her. 

I’m glad I didn’t spend the last 33 days in fear and anxiety. If I had, the days would have been miserable. I would have kept her home where it’s safe. I would be sitting here right now in a state of envy and jealousy of all the other families who don’t have to deal with this. I would have thought life isn’t fair, and nothing ever goes right. 

Changing our mindsets is one of the hardest parts of special needs parenting, but I believe the most important. It’s easy to wallow in our bad luck. It’s easy always to think the worst is going to happen because we believe we are protecting ourselves from being let down. Being in pain. We tell ourselves that being “realistic” will prevent us from being disappointed. 

Is that really true? Is that the state of mind that serves us? Serves our child?

I want to know, do you believe in “jinxing” someone? What are the areas that you are afraid of appreciating in fear of the bad thing happening?

let me know what you think in the comments.